Negative Space #004
Down but not out
It’s June — welcome back to another Post of Negative Space. This month was a constant ebb and flow, making it difficult to get in a particular rhythm of one or the other. But that makes the slow time with my family that much sweeter. Those moments the flow seems to stop, until it doesn’t. I hope your June has been filled with good ebbs and flows.
Down but not out.
To be honest, I was pretty down this month on the creative end. Creative pressure, anxiety, and self comparison seemed to make a way in my head to where I needed to take step back. I wasn’t happy with any of the work I was making and felt like my photos were boring. From spending too much time on instagram to forcing certain creative projects, I was seeing the effects of an algorithm driven process rather than an organically driven process. It left me feeling jaded toward photography, something I’ve really never felt before. I ended up deleting Instagram and stepped back from the personal projects that I had been working on.
I felt a lot like the man in this month’s print:
Exhausted, cigarette in hand, eye rubbing from too much screen time (at least in my situation). I think we can all relate to this feeling in some way whether it be creative burnout, exhausted from our jobs, not getting results we wanted, or our expectations weren’t met in some way. All these things piling up can lead to self-doubt in your work or your ability. In short, that’s what I was feeling: self-doubt.
Thankfully feelings come and go and your work is not defined by a moment in time. On the other hand, your work, whatever it may be, does not define you. This is a common trap I fall into time and again when on social media. We almost judge ourselves and our lives by our feed.
“Does it look cool enough?”
“Am I sharing too much or too little?”
“Does my life look interesting enough?”
Home Being Clothing and Adam Boehmer recently came out with a crewneck that I thought fit this month’s theme really well. The crewneck reads “Your production does not define you, your work, or your year.”
To elaborate this point they write,
“Your worth surpasses the mere outcome of your labor. Rest, recharge, and nurture your inner self. Bask in the beauty of your inherent imperfection. Reconnect with your authenticity, fuel your creativity, and ultimately lead a more fulfilling and sustainable creative journey.”
The Common Enemy
I really like the last phase of what they said, “…lead a more fulfilling and sustainable creative journey.” This will look different for each of us, but I think our common enemy of being fulfilled and sustained creatively is social media.
If you’ve kept up with Negative Space at all you know that what I’m NOT saying is that social media by itself is bad. But when it gets in the way of leading that more “fulfilling and sustainable creative journey” it does become bad. That’s where I found myself; at the road block of self-comparison and self-doubt. Rather than being fulfilled creatively, Instagram was running me dry in trying to keep up with what everyone else was doing.
So for a bit, I deleted Instagram off my phone.
I know this isn’t new for some of you. I know some people take routine breaks from social media, but this is something that I haven’t really practiced at all. I ended up deleting it for about a week and half and to be honest it was kind of hard. Which I hated. After a few days I started to notice the effects of it and I realized just how much I picked up my phone throughout the day. Creatively I started to think of things I could photograph without them being influenced by the things I saw on Instagram. And when I did check Instagram on my computer to follow up with some messages, I felt exhausted even seeing the feed.
Moving Forward
My relationship with Instagram has definitely changed since this experience. Now that I know my habits better I can move forward with a plan to prevent this type of creative downward spiral. Not to say I’ll never have self-doubt again, but at least be able to remind myself that my production does not define my creative worth. And if you find yourself feeling self doubt or comparing yourself to the output you see on Instagram, know that you’re not the only one. It can truly be frustrating and discouraging. But remember, your worth is not based on creative output, the photos you take, the art you make, the people you work with, or the places you travel. If you have any experiences similar to mine I’d love to hear about them or any ways that you’ve learned to help with these things.
In the meantime I’ve been able to make some neat work and am thankful for the opportunities that have come up these past couple of months. So I wanted to end this post sharing some photos that I’ve enjoyed making recently. Hope you enjoy.
I’ll see you next month.
Cheers!
Andrew